You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
