I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Your penis caused this!
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