my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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