when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
