now i know why i became what i already was.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize