My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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