Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
