I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
