hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
