I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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