i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
