why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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