Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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