Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
