Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You've changed since you got that strap on
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
