in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
