Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
