I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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