just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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