I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
