I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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