she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize