yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
