even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Still dying that you shit outside
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
