I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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