I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
