allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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