plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
