okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
