My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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