A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
