It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
