My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
