Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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