I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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