I am puke
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize