Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
