I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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