How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
