that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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