you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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