I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
