Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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