I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
