i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize