You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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