he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
