mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
