that's an acceptable place to lick
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
