there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
