somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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