He is such a slut. More and more my type.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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