i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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