He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
