OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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