You made me cry and you don't even care
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
