I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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