im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
