I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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